Assertiveness is Not Aggressiveness
2024-12-15
Leadership often brings with it a lack of clarity — not just about the performance of others, but about ourselves. This uncertainty can stem from our own filters, misconceptions, or even a lack of self-confidence. As leaders, we may struggle to see ourselves as others do, which can create blind spots that limit our growth and that of our teams. Yet, there is a simple antidote: self-reflection.
Goleman, Boyatzis, and McKee, in Primal Leadership, highlight the importance of self-awareness as a cornerstone of effective leadership. Thus describe it as “the ability to monitor our own emotions and reactions.” Self-reflection builds this awareness, helping us identify patterns in our behaviour and understand the impact we have on others. Without this critical skill, we risk being driven by emotions we don’t fully recognise or control.
But self-reflection is not always easy. It requires us to confront uncomfortable truths about our decisions and actions. This is where coaching becomes invaluable. Coaching provides the structure and support needed to step back, observe our patterns, and hold ourselves accountable. It reinforces self-awareness and helps us apply what we learn in meaningful ways to improve our performance and that of our teams.
A reflective leader is one who can balance confidence with humility — someone who understands their strengths but also recognises areas for growth. Goleman et al. remind us that emotional intelligence is not about having all the answers but the willingness to learn and adapt. By engaging in self-reflection and seeking coaching, leaders create space to refine their approach and lead with greater authenticity.
The impact of this extends beyond the leader. Teams thrive under leaders who are open to feedback, aware of their biases, and willing to adjust their behaviour. This creates a culture of trust where growth and collaboration become shared values. Leaders who invest in their self-awareness not only elevate their own performance but inspire those around them to do the same.
In a world where leadership often demands quick decisions and immediate outcomes, the power of pausing to reflect cannot be overstated.
The next time you question your impact as a leader, ask yourself: How can I better understand my emotions, my patterns, and the effect I have on others? The answers may hold the key to not only your growth but also that of your entire team.
